Another wrath against Bing!

I have been preparing a presentation since yesterday and was looking for images on the internet, Google and Bing were helping me out. Was pretty satisfied the way Bing was showing me many images at a single page (Without me bothering the bandwidth it was eating up). As the eye candy held my attention, my good old Google was lost somewhere in the numerous tabs of my FireFox.

This morning my colleague Abhijit Bera sneered at me for using Bing! I retaliated saying Bing was cool for image search.

Towards the end of day I had to search for “Live Stock Market”.

Quick strokes in the search boxes of Bing and Google….

Both loaded the search results.

Google showed me images related to “Stock markets”, “Sensex”, “Graphs” etc on priority….

And Bing showed me cattle! (Livestock) on priority………………… Phew!

Seems like I’ll have to add a new category for my experiences with “Bing & Google”….. I’d rather say “Google & Bing”

By the way check out http://www.wolframalpha.com/ . My colleague Sumedh had shown it to me! Pretty Cool stuff!

Bureau:Crazy for P:Ass:port – 2

Now came my second attempt to get a passport this year. I decided not to take any shit for these uncultured lot least cultured govt officers at passport office who take your dignity and self respect to the Lowest Common Denominator. My parents got hold of an agent in Vashi, I applied for a Tatkal passport with the reference of a Class I govt officer, a General Manager at ONGC. The agent said it would take 6500 bucks as he has to bribe every officer from top to bottom, I said “Screw you” in my mind and decided to go for it.

I thought I won’t have to go to that bloody passport office again (please note that I am not using the word “bloody” for the lack of knowledge of other abusive words, but I am trying to be a bit politically correct here) but I had to go there personally to submit the doc.

So here I was back to square outside the Passport Office at Wahgle Estate in Thane. My agent had already bribed the guy who issues tokens and reserved a token for me! Great huh! Fuckin crap… but I had to get it. Then gradually my token number appeared on the LED display and I went. The agent had already booked a counter where I’d be submitting my passport. An insider was co-ordinating with the Agent. A stout guy who was at the counter stood up when I submitted the form and whispered at me “Kisne bheja hai?” ( Who has sent you?). Now my Agent had already told me not to tell his name, and to say, “I have come on my own” if asked. I was bit surprised by his action and said nothing. He then looked at all the docs and passed it on to a lady on his right side, she looked at them and the again talked something in hushed tones and the guy started the verification process.

Following were the questions asked by him in the most impolite way.

“Originals sab laya hai kya??” (“Have you got all the originals?”)

I said “Ya”

“Kabse rehta hai iss address pe?” (Since when are you living in this address?”)

I said “Almost 22 years”

Now I had been replying politely but when he was getting under my skin, I started paying him back in his own coins

“Date of birth ka proof dikha” (Show me the proof of DOB)

I said “Ye dekh”. (Look at this)

“Address proof dikha” (Show me the address proof)

I said “Hai na, Ye dekh” (I’v got it, Look at this)

The session with this crap guy was done & I was asked to go to the Head Passport Officer: The process was well lubricated with the 6500 bucks that was well distributed among these guys.

Finally I got a receipt for my passport and it arrived in 7 working days. I thought I am finally done but few days later I got a call from Uran police station asking me to come there for verification. Generally the process here is the cops come to your place for verification, as was the case in Dipsikha’s passport. I thought since mine was a Tatkal passport, this might be the process. Alright I called up the police station and said I’ll come next week as I was busy. They said fine. This saturday I decided to go to them and called them up to check if the officer was present. The lady who attended the call said the officer hasn’t come to work yet (at 3:30 PM) and asked to call after an hour. I called again and a guy told me the same thing, this time I asked for the officers’ mobile number and called her up asking when she will be at the office. She said “We are always at the office, we never go anywhere” (again in an unfriendly way) I said fine, I’ll see you in about 15 mins.

I reached there and was about to enter her office when she asked me to take the shoes off. I took it off and was about to enter when she said “Some cleaning is going and asked to come in about 15 mins”. I abused her in my mind for making me take my shoes off!

Then finally she came out and said “Iss form ka front page ka xerox leke aa aur ek passport verification form leke aa” (Again an absurd way of asking… Oops she was ordering me… to get a photocopy of the first page of a doc and a passport verification form.

I got it and another guy in the office started filling something in it.

Now came my second attempt to get a passport this year. I decided not to take any shit for these uncultured lot least cultured govt officers at passport office who take your dignity and self respect to the Lowest Common Denominator. My parents got hold of an agent in Vashi, I applied for a Tatkal passport with the reference of a Class I govt officer, a General Manager at ONGC. The agent said it would take 6500 bucks as he has to bribe every officer from top to bottom, I said “Screw you” in my mind and decided to go for it.

I thought I won’t have to go to that bloody passport office again (please note that I am not using the word “bloody” for the lack of knowledge of other abusive words, but I am trying to be a bit politically correct here) but I had to go there personally to submit the doc.

So here I was back to square outside the Passport Office at Wahgle Estate in Thane. My agent had already bribed the guy who issues tokens and reserved a token for me! Great huh! Fuckin crap… but I had to get it. Then gradually my token number appeared on the LED display and I went. The agent had already booked a counter where I’d be submitting my passport. An insider was co-ordinating with the Agent. A stout guy who was at the counter stood up when I submitted the form and whispered at me “Kisne bheja hai?” ( Who has sent you?). Now my Agent had already told me not to tell his name, and to say, “I have come on my own” if asked. I was bit surprised by his action and said nothing. He then looked at all the docs and passed it on to a lady on his right side, she looked at them and the again talked something in hushed tones and the guy started the verification process.

Following were the questions asked by him in the most impolite way.

“Originals sab laya hai kya??” (“Have you got all the originals?”)

I said “Ya”

“Kabse rehta hai iss address pe?” (Since when are you living in this address?”)

I said “Almost 22 years”

Now I had been replying politely but when he was getting under my skin, I started paying him back in his own coins

“Date of birth ka proof dikha” (Show me the proof of DOB)

I said “Ye dekh”. (Look at this)

“Address proof dikha” (Show me the address proof)

I said “Hai na, Ye dekh” (I’v got it, Look at this)

The session with this crap guy was done & I was asked to go to the Head Passport Officer: The process was well lubricated with the 6500 bucks that was well distributed among these guys.

Finally I got a receipt for my passport and it arrived in 7 working days. I thought I am finally done but few days later I got a call from Uran police station asking me to come there for verification. Generally the process here is the cops come to your place for verification, as was the case in Dipsikha’s passport. I thought since mine was a Tatkal passport, this might be the process. Alright I called up the police station and said I’ll come next week as I was busy. They said fine. This saturday I decided to go to them and called them up to check if the officer was present. The lady who attended the call said the officer hasn’t come to work yet (at 3:30 PM) and asked to call after an hour. I called again and a guy told me the same thing, this time I asked for the officers’ mobile number and called her up asking when she will be at the office. She said “We are always at the office, we never go anywhere” (again in an unfriendly way) I said fine, I’ll see you in about 15 mins.

I reached there and was about to enter her office when she asked me to take the shoes off. I took it off and was about to enter when she said “Some cleaning is going and asked to come in about 15 mins”. I abused her in my mind for making me take my shoes off!

Then finally she came out and said “Iss form ka front page ka xerox leke aa aur ek passport verification form leke aa” (Again an absurd way of asking… Oops she was ordering me… to get a photocopy of the first page of a doc and a passport verification form.

I got it and another guy in the office started filling something in it. In the meanwhile another cop started narrating the story of how he got hold of some guys having a rave party near Pune. They were engrossed in the story, the bastard who was filling my verification form was listening to him and expressing his views without completing the job at hand. When I had enough I asked him if its done… The prick asked me “Ghai hai kya?” meaning “Are you in a hurry?”. I thought this guy is being complacent and when complained he had the audacity to ask me if I was in a hurry, that too in a very impolite and unfriendly way as if he was doing a favor for me. I said I have some classes and I had to go. The lady then asked me “Kya karta hai tu” (“What do you do” in an uncultured way), frankly speaking I felt like shitting on her face for that. I said I am a student. Then the guy who was filling up the form walked away with the “story teller”. I asked the lady how long is it gonna take, she said “Doosre saab ko dena hai, paanch dus minutes ka kaam nai hai ye, time lagega” (” It has to be sent to the other guy, its not something that can be done in 5 or 10 mins, its gonna take time”). I got it… The bitch wanted money to speed up the things. I had decided not to bribe these guys, I cheekily said “Theek hai”.

She made me wait for another half an hour. In the meanwhile the guy who was filling my form came back and started narrating a letter about the flood situation in some part of the district, to the lady who was typing it, they took their sweet time and made me wait. I waited. Later an oldie came and gave an envelope and gave it to the verification guy. He said to the lady in Marathi “Look at the ways Lakshmi comes” (Lakshmi is the Goddess of Wealth in our Hindu Mythology). Now it was clear to me… These guys wanted me to grease their palm but I was adamant not to.

A few minutes later the same oldie came with his wife and kids with the same documents I had come with, he was an ONGC employee who was about to go abroad with his family, the verification guy quickly took their forms filled them up and handed over my form to the lady officer and asked to proceed to the Sub Inspector for verification.

Just before we left the bitch said “Tell the officer that I had come to your house for verification if he asks so”. Damn! I though I made a jackass out of myself assuming that I have to go there but somehow things were rolling. They Sub Inspector signed it and we were back at  bitch and the guys’ office. Now the lady very straight forwardly said “300 Rupees”… I said “What?”, She repeated “300 Rupees, its the fees here”. I said I dont have that kind of money as I was a student, the guy then asked “How much do you have?” I said “70″. He said “Forget it” and the lady said “Tu jaa, tera ho gaya” ( You go,  your job is done”) not “You can go your job is done”. Now I got a bit worried here thinking they may mess up with my form, I said him I have got 70 you may take it. He said, “If you don’t have it then what can I do, forget it, people give it to us wholeheartedly for our chai-paani (refreshments), like the guy before you gave me 700 bucks!” I thought Fuck man…. they’ve already washed 700 off a guy and want more from me.

He said your process is done and showed me the dispatch date on his register. I didn’t pay him anything. I hope my verification process is done.

My brother’s’ and Mom’s verification is yet to be done. I am sure the pricks will harass them for me not paying them up… and how do they recognize them??? By my last name of course!!!!

All said and done. I really feel like punching on the faces of people who don’t know people enough and  address them as “Tu”, especially anyone who works with the govt, starting from the bus conductors to anyone upwards. These guys should be taught some real lessons on courtesy and mannerisms.

They treat the taxpayers as beggars. Most of the govt offices work that way, electricity boards, public transport, passport offices etc. Many of these people think they are the Lords the moment the get hold of a govt job.

I pray at least this generation of youths who serve the govt of India should keep in mind that they are public servants (mind you, not that public should treat them like servants) and they are here to serve the people who pay taxes with which translates into their pay-cheques. The people and the govt should also work on a framework that ensures the dignity of every citizen.

And most importantly teach the govt officers some lessons of politeness, courtesy and respect towards citizens, else people like the lady at the passport verification office would end up as “Passport Bitch” in phone books as in mines.

Bureau:Crazy for P:Ass:port – 1

I wonder how many of us haven’t had an encounter with the lethargy and utter nonsensical  ”procedures” at govt institutions…  ( I don’t know about other nations but I am talking about India).

Bureaucracy at government offices, better known as “Babugiri” is not something new to many Indians who have dealt with the govt organizations. Here is my experience, which should be better termed as pains, in getting a passport.

The first attempt was in 2008 when I and Dipsikha had gone to the passport office in Thane (as we reside in New Bombay). We were very glad to read the phrase on https://passport.gov.in that Online Registration is possible… Great! We praised how governance was going the electronic way! We quickly filled up the forms and got to select an appointment date and time at the Thane passport office! Cool huh! The best news was a line on the site that said people who register online don’t have to stand in the queue and can go to some bloody counter to get their application form processed right away!

Fair enough… We got the forms and the requested docs, she had all of them and as usual I didn’t!

We set to the passport office and reached Thane station early in the morning and got a taste of the regular tantrums of the autowallas in Mumbai. They ply only where they want to. They don’t ply to places where traffic can get jammed or distances that are too short or where their mom probably said not to go and I don’t know what not.  Finally we got an auto that agreed to go and we reached the passport office where there was a long queue.

We went inside only to realize that there was a token system for everyone irrespective of wether they had registered online or offline. First bitter taste of inconsistency of implementation of govt rules. Fine, we took our tokens and waited for our turn. We were asked to select an “appointment” at the website and now we were sitting with a token number in hundreds.

I had taken half a day off work and now were were sitting and waiting for our turn at noon. Finally our turn arrived. She went and got hers done in a matter of minutes as she had all the docs. I went and showed the “Officer” my docs which were inadequate. Now instead of telling me that the docs were inadequate, in a sarcastic way he asked “Bas itne documents se passport banane aaya hai tu?” ( “Have you come to take a passport with only these documents?” ). My blood curdles when someone who doesn’t know me well addresses me “Tu” (a very informal way of saying “you” in Hindi). I felt like breaking his nose, but he was a bloody govt officer and I wanted my passport. I said I have only these ones. He said he can’t make it. I thought these were enough and I went to the “Enquiry Counter”. There sat a typical govt officer, a bloody old man counting his lat days in the office, he was bespectacled and was doing some paper work. I said “Excuse me Sir” and instead of replying “Yes” (Forget “How can I help you?”, I’ll write an appreciation to the President of India if of any previous generation Indian govt officer says that to me) he replied in an irate manner “Kya Chahiye” (What do you want?) his intonation made it sound more like “What the hell do you want?”. I said these are the docs I have and the officer at the counter says he can’t accept the application since I needed more. The oldie said “You wont get a passport with these docs and threw the docs back at me”…. I had enough, by this time I was fuming with anger and my helplessness.

I stormed out of the office abusing these guys. It makes me really angry and upset when I see people who are on payroll with our taxes behaving so rudely with us. Frankly speaking I feel like kicking their balls hard enough  giving them some feel of weightlessness.

A perfect waste of a busy day… I agree I was at fault for not getting all the required docs but that gives no authority for any damn person to be unprofessional and impolite.

Soon Dipsikha’s passport verification was under progress. The cops arrived at her place but she was at work. They were kind enough to leave a note with her parents about the date, time and name of the police station where she had to go, it was at Belapur. We both went there on a saturday and found a “Police station” which had tiled roof, in a dilapidated condition. An open unfenced compound with lots of dusty vehicles, a banyan tree in the compound, a few cops and a few guys here and there. We went and asked for the verification officer. These guys offered us place to sit but were busy in their own conversations. The verification officer’s colleague said “It would take time”, we said “Fine, we’ll wait”. This was the first indication to make us to tell him to be quick and following which he could ask for a bribe. We waited for a long time and finally we got it.

Within 15 days she got her passport!

Click here for Part II